I’ve been trying to get my mind straight lately. It seems to be running back and forth between two opposites. I don’t know which one to hold onto. Either way both are toxic for me. I keep taking the high road in my situation and doing the “right” things. I don’t think that is really a thing anymore. It seems like the more and more I give credit, the more and more I go in debt. I wanna be able to be rash and just explosive but I have to hold back. I don’t think that’s fair. It’s not fair to always be the most rational person. Everyone else gets to make decisions and do what they want but I don’t get that luxury. No matter how hard I try I just can’t pull myself to do what I want to do compared to what I need to do. Now you might say I’m just being smart and dealing with this effectively. However I feel like I’m bottling up anger and frustration and guilt instead of letting it go. It would almost be better to have regrets for my actions now then to just keep my head high. I wanna hang it low. But I wont. I won’t because that’s not me. Instead I’ll continue doing what I do. I’ll just be me.