I once had a dream about a fiery devil. Who was bright red like a sunrise and hard as a metal. I watched as it walked alone on this earth. Engulfed in the flames of its own burning hearth. I looked at its core It’s heart did not beat. I looked in its eyes and it looked at me. I could feel it’s presence right to my soul. It got in my mind and I lost control. As I looked in its eyes it all became clear. It was fueled by rage and consumed by fear. Never a moment did the devil waste. It told me it’s secrets, it stated it’s case. It whispered so softly to bring me near. As I went in closer, I started to fear. The power of this devil so strong and convinced. But the power of this devil did not make sense. It had so much anger bottled inside. But as we stood together it had nothing to hide. I tried not to judge and give it a chance. I reached out my hand and asked it to dance. The devil smiled softly and said that it can’t. I was shocked and confused as I took back my hand. It was then that I noticed that this devil of mine. Held back a tear in the corner of its eye. Time has not been kind and life has been unfair. I saw all its truths it wasn’t aware. That through all the flames and pain in its path. It was still just an innocent with a dark wrath. Because when I look at you I only see me. So I see in you everything that you can be. Don’t worry for now time is forever. There’s no reason for haste we can do whatever. I will play with fire while it plays with fate. I will try not to get burned by its intense flames. For I have been this devil before. It is now my time to be so much more. Take caution I will as the devil passes through. For in its wake a storm will brew. A small reminder of what was once there. A devil of kindness and one that was fair. If it gets to hard I will just open my eyes. And forget this dream and forget these lines. But I will never forget you. You are me and I am you.
As you start this next step, destiny will start to unfold
Out of the chaos your life will take hold
The answers won’t always be there or easy to see
Keep asking your questions and you will find what you seek
When failure arrives and falls in your lap
It doesn’t mean you are done just accept that
Always keep your feet firmly on the ground
The choices you make should always be sound
Use your best judgement but never shy of risks
Life is meant for the seekers and the adventurous
I do not worry about how far you may go
The distance between us will always grow
When you are lonely and we are miles apart
Put your hand on your chest and you will feel my heart
I will always be with you every single day
I will always be there for you in every way
So don’t be scared daughter I know you will climb
Further then me and in better time
The other day I was having a bad day. Like really bad. I was tired and weak. I was lost. I didn’t reach out to anyone. I just continued as if everything was normal. Searching for every moment of alone time I could grasp so I could sulk in the bitterness of my despair. I was just sitting there alone thinking why do I even exist. Why have i had to endure so much loss and heartache. I hated myself and my life. I hated the choices I made and the choices that were made for me. I did not want this life.
Then in came a stranger. Innocent and naive. Someone who didn’t see my pain. Didn’t feel sorry for me. Offering a small moment of peace in a shattering life. It wasn’t thought out or planned. It was just given out of kindness from a gentle heart. To them it was nothing. To me it was change. In just a small moment I was given a new outlook. A new message to myself.
A stranger made a difference in my life that day by only being kind. They didn’t do it because I looked sad or depressed. They did it because thats who they are. They did nothing more but share their kindness and it changed my life.
Always pass your strangers with kindness. You never know how much that person right in front of you might need it. You may be the last person that has a chance of showing them, that it’s all ok.
There’s not alot I can’t put up with. Most people tell me I put up with more then I should. It doesn’t matter to me though. If I say I’ll take care of it, I will. I also take it to far. I have been hurt badly by some of the closest people to me. All because I don’t pick up on the warning signs. I choose to ignore them. Thinking maybe just once this time will be different. It never is. I see that I should give up but I don’t.
This is my downfall. Not giving up on a person when everyone else has. Even when they have given up on me. I will still give to the bitter end. I don’t know if that makes me stupid. I don’t know if I care. I do know I have loved everyone more then they have loved me. I’m not saying they didn’t love me. I’m saying is they all gave up. Maybe I’m hard to love. Maybe I’m easy to leave. Maybe just maybe I should of gave up before when I saw the signs.
I am not giving up on my dreams. Take all you want from me. I won’t be the same person next time we meet. I will be a better me.
I have hit that part where all the motivation I had seems to slowly be slipping away. A part of me keeps wanting to slip into the old habits and just have fun. While the new part of me wants more for myself. I don’t know how to push the old away. I keep trying but it’s so easy to slip back. I need a life coach, a personal trainer, a financial advisor, and a house organizer. Then I think I could be on the right track.
Since I know I won’t get those things I will have to learn how to do those things better for myself. So hard not knowing where to start. I go to the gym but I don’t even know how to properly work out. I pay my bills but I don’t know how to save. I clean my house but I don’t know if it’s organized.
I wonder if everyone feels this way or if it’s just me.
I’m planting a garden this year. I’ve planted one for the last few years but this year I’ll do all the work myself. It’s been awhile since I’ve done all the work myself. I don’t look forward to weeding this year. I hate having to bend over every few feet it’s hot out and humid. It’s such a chore. I don’t know why I do it to myself sometimes.
However each year my garden has grown. Each year it’s changed and grew in some way. I have learned how to kill whole rows of pumpkins. I watched as rabbits got fat off my green beans and strawberries. I seen a mole move an entire row of freshly planted watermelon as it searched for grubs. I’ve probably thrown in the compost 37 watermelons, 18 cantaloupe, 5 lettuce, and 6 pounds of potatos. I’m not a good gardener.
There’s something about putting a tiny seed in dirt and giving it a little attention and seeing it grow. Waiting for it to bloom and start to bear its fruit. It’s nice to even see the dirt tilled up and start to gather warmth for the seeds. You always see progress no matter what has gone wrong. A plant may die but another will bloom. A melon may spoil but a tomato will ripe. It’s a search for balance. It makes me wanna be a better gardener.
I am going to do it this year. I will try some new tips. I will plant a better schedule. I will weed a little more often. (Let’s be honest for a second, this will probably be the killer of me) I will do it.
At the end of the day no matter how many complications will arise I will step back and see progress.
There will be times when someone enters your life to only leave. When you have to part ways it’s always hard wether it’s a good thing or bad. As time goes on you should reflect on the moments you had together. Let the negative ones slip your mind. Focus on the good ones. Do it not to forget the troubles but to help learn that even in the worse times there can be positives.